Where I Want to Be
by Jumping out of aeroplaneees
Summary: *continuation of New Places and New Surroundings* As college is approaching, Austin becomes unsure on what he wants to do with his life. Because of the incident with Elliot and his brother, he's unsure what he wants anymore.
1. Congratulations

Here it is! The sequel has finally arrived! :D

Enjoy :D x

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_Austin's POV_

Some days I feel grateful that I have the life that I do, but then again, I hate it at the same time. I went through a few months of hell just to be with Ally and the funny thing is; I am still not satisfied. I know I sound like a whiny brat, but there has been something that has been bothering me since all of this drama ended. Why did Elliot hate me? I don't know what I did to him to actually make him hate me.

I spent winter vacation with my family in Vermont. Things still are not the same and they never will be, but we are getting by. I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, having nightmares about my brother. I'm still terrified as hell of being alone, but I have to push that aside.

I was sitting in my room, playing guitar when my mom walked in handing me a letter. It was already opened. I looked up at her and saw tears in her eyes. I grabbed the letter out of her hand without saying a word.

"Austin Moon, congratulations on your acceptance to Berklee. We are looking forward to seeing you in the fall."

My heart started to pound. I had to take a double take at the letter to see if I was reading it right.

"Congratulations, sweetie," mom whispered and kissed my forehead. "I knew you could do it," she said and went back downstairs.

I had to call Dez, Trish, Dallas, and Ally to tell them. It was huge news for me. I got into my dream school.

I quickly got off of my bed and went to walk towards Matthew's room, but then I forgot. I couldn't tell him. I wanted to tell him so badly, but I wasn't able to. A feeling of pain kicked me in the stomach and suddenly I didn't feel so well. I needed my brother in my life, but nothing could ever replace him.

I went back into my room, turned my phone off and just went to bed. I hated feeling like this. I hate feeling so sad that I'm about to throw up. I never want to feel like this ever again.


	2. Strange Vibes

There are still so many unanswered questions about Ally, Elliot, college, and most importantly, me. Nothing is ever going to be normal again. Some days are worse than others; I wake up and still think he's there sometimes. I could never forgive Elliot even though I said I did. I can't forgive him, why should I forgive him?

There are still parts of me that I don't even know about nor does anyone else. It's scary knowing that you're lost in the world and cannot find your true self. I don't know if I want to do music, art, business, you name it. I spent months fantasizing about what my life should be and what my future is going to be like, but in reality, I'll never attain that. I will never be what I want to be. So why even bother.

I sighed and walked into the kitchen, thinking about what was going to happen next in life and what was I going to do. I want to be living in Los Angeles with my future wife and kids. I want to be able to come back to Miami to visit my parents and tell them about touring the world and my albums going platinum. I want Matthew to be proud of who I have become. All of this is hard because I don't know who I am or where I want to be.

_Ally's POV_

These past few weeks Austin has been in a really weird funk. I figured if he wanted to talk about it he would, but he has barely said anything to me. The most we talked was when he stopped over a few nights ago to make sure I was well. Even then he was being weird. Tonight was prom and Austin has barely mentioned anything about it. We're not going anyway, but it would have been nice if he communicated with me rather than send one-word texts.

It's funny; he hasn't been in school in weeks. It is so unlike Austin to not be in school for more than a week. It was either that or he has been avoiding me. I have asked Dallas, Dez, Trish, and Tilly if they have spoken to him and they all shook their heads. They didn't seem that worried though. None of them were freaking out as much as I was. Was Elliot still getting to Austin? Or was Austin in school and just avoiding me?

After work I stopped by his house again to see if he was there and there wasn't an answer…again. Dez had stopped by once in a while too and had not heard a word from Austin. Instead of leaving, I grabbed the spare key and went inside. "Austin?" I yelled and there was no response. "Austin?" I yelled again and still no response.

I walked upstairs and tried to get into his room, but his door was locked. "Austin, I know you're in there," I yelled. "I can smell bagel bites." Still there wasn't a response. Was it something I did? I thought. "Austin seriously, please answer me," I pleaded, banging on his door, but no answer. He had to get tired of me banging on his door sooner or later. "Austin, I am seriously worried about you," I yelled and finally he opened his door.

"Austin," I whispered and wrapped my arms around his neck. I expected him to hug me back, but he didn't. Instead, he just stood there and looked off in the distance. "Are you okay?" I asked and he didn't say a word. "Austin, I'm truly worried about you. You haven't been in school for two weeks straight. What has gotten into you?" I asked and still no response. He just shrugged and went back into his room.

I followed him into his room and noticed a major difference. Besides it being cleaned (for once), he took everything down on his walls besides two pictures. One of them was of the family with his brother and the other one was Austin and I at the beach. He looked happy in both of them. You could tell in his eyes he was happy, but now when you look at him, you don't see that anymore. I sat down next to him and rubbed his back. He sighed and looked over at me. "I'm sorry," his voice croaked. "I'm a bad boyfriend."

"Austin, it's okay. You're not a bad boyfriend," I assured him. "Are you sure?" he asked. His voice was hoarse and monotonic. "I am one hundred percent sure."

"What is wrong with you?" I asked and he shrugged. I was getting sick of the little to no conversations between us. I know he has been in a funk, but I'm worried that his depression is going to get to him. "Too much to even explain," he sighed and leaned against his headboard. "Summarize it," I told him. He shook his head and told me that he couldn't. "It's too much to summarize because I don't even know where to start" he stated, his voice still monotonic.

"What's worrying you the most?" I asked.

"Moving to Boston…" his voice trailed off. "You got accepted into Berklee?" I questioned and he nodded. "Yeah, I don't think music is my thing anymore," he sighed. What did he mean by that? Music wasn't his thing? Just a few months ago he wanted to get signed to a record company and reach his dreams and now they're no longer his dream.

"What do you mean?"

"I feel like music used to be my thing, but I don't know. I just. I don't know Ally. I just don't want to play music anymore. It's complicated," he sighed.

"You're going to a music school though"

He shrugged and looked over at his dresser. "I don't know anymore. I just don't know."

"Is that what's worrying you the most?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Why does Elliot hate me?" he blurted out and I looked at him in confusion.

"I don't know," I told him.

"What did I ever do to him?" he yelled and I shrugged.

"Why don't you ask him?" I said and he shot a glare at me.  
"No way," he grumbled.

"Then what are you going to do? Hide from him in your room until graduation? Austin you might not be able to graduate if you keep missing school."

He looked at me and then at the window. "I'm not hiding from him. I just need some time to myself," he shrugged. "I feel like I don't know myself. One day I'm in a good mood and then the next day I'm in an awful mood. Staying home for the past couple of weeks gave me relaxation from socialization, stress, school, and my whole list of problems."

"What do you mean?"

"Ally, I mean what I said. I really don't know who I am anymore. I feel like I should be okay with that has happened, but I'm not okay with it. I keep pushing it back into my head and trying to forget about it, but as I am getting older, I am starting to understand more and the more I understand the stressed I get," he sighed.

"So you think you're lying to yourself?" I asked and he nodded.

"I keep telling myself that everything is okay, but when I walk into places like school, the mattress kingdom, the pizza parlor, the woods, and other places, I just think about what happened. I still think my brother is there. I'm not ready to leave him."

"You haven't fully grieved yet," I mentioned. He looked at me in confusion.  
"What do you mean?"

"It sounds like you haven't fully grieved since your brothers death. Austin you need to let it out. It is so unhealthy to keep everything bottled in. I know you hate crying and you hate feeling like you've been defeated, but you have to let these things out once in a while."

I looked over at his clock and saw that the time read eleven PM. My parents must be worried sick about me. "Austin," I frowned. "I have to get home."


End file.
